do u know wat is it like to have a hole in ur heart? someone's sister died today,..cos she has a hole in her heart...marie's dad passed away yesterday..my gosh..our life is so fragile..
it makes me scared.. my heart was aching quite seriously yesterday nite.... and it aches again jus now.. its not the 1st time.. they asked me to go for check up but..i scared...wat if i found out smth dat i shudnt??
den i rather appreciate now than to be sad of smth else..
its getting worse dat last time..
yesterday nite i cant breath..the pain was a bit more than previous ones..
i cant slp yesterday cos i was afraid dat i might not wake up today..
it really frighten me...i dun wan to hv such short life...but i guess i think too much..

i m sick..again

wat the hell is hapening??
y is my life like dis??
i saw my beloved throat tru mirror jus now...it looks like some1 poke it wit smth sharp...blisters everywhere..
its so painful..i hardly swallow my saliva..
doc says i got very very high fever..very serious tonsils infection...haih...n my head ache like hell..i can hardly slp..
i took 4 courses of d medicine d...still d same..only fever got controlled...but fever rises cos my tonsils r inflamed..its giving me headaches..
enuf working problem d la..my manager so bor syok when i mc..i wonder if i can work tmr...
my whole body's nerves r paining..feels like they put poison in it..i was shivering yesterday nite...as if i m in snow house..
doc says if cant cure by dis 2 days, must go n check again..suspected dengue fever liao..but hor, dengue will get tonsils infection meh??
duno la...jus hope i wont get admited to hosp again..maybe i m stressed...
stressed of work..n stressed of family matters...

T_T

its been the longest winter without u
i didnt know where to turn to...
see somewhow i cant forget u..
after all dat we've been through..

go in, come in, thought i heard a knock,
who's there? no one...
thinking dat i deserve it
now i realized dat i really didnt noe.......
u didnt notice
u mean everything
quickly i m learning
to love again...
all i know is, i ma be okay...

tot i couldnt live without u
its gonna hurt even when it heals too
it'll all get better in time
even though i really loved u,
i m gonna smile cos i deserved to...
it'll all get better in time

how could i turn on d tv..
without something there to remind me..
was it all dat easy??
to jus put aside ur feelings...

if i m dreaming, dun wana let hurt my feelings..
but dats d path i believe in,
n i know time will heal it...
u didnt notice
u mean everything
quickly i m learning
to love again
all i know is, i ma be okay........

thought i couldnt live without u
its gonna hurt when it heals to...
it'll all get better in time
even though i really loved u
i m gonna smile cos i deserved to...
it'll all get better in time..

since there's no more u n me..
its time i let u go so i can be free...................
n live my life how it shud be
no matter how hard it is, i'll be fine without u..
yes i will...

thought i couldnt live without u...
its gonna hurt when it heals to...
it'll all get better in time
even though i really loved u
i m gonna smile cos i deserve to..
yes i do....
it'll all get better in time...

thought i couldnt live without u..
its gonna hurt when it heals to..
it'll all get better in time...

:~(

happy

yea....got my cert today...
saying dat dis is to certify..bla bla bla.... n is entitled to the distnguishing initials, FBDO..
at last i got wat i wan here...my job is done
so now hv to wait for d time to be released.....finish my contract n blah...
go where?
wana be air stewardess....manicurist
some ppl say " u wana waste ur cert?"
so hard only u get it, y dun wan continue to be optician?
sien....hv been in optical line for 4 yrs ++
nth special bout it..
but if i wana be stewardess,hv to let go everything i hv now...go far away...
dunno wat i wan....
dats life...cest la vie....
gosh i hvnt call d driving academy.........till now.....delay so long...
maybe i m scared to drive again...to be a beginner is not easy..
worried sick..
wana buy new phone sumore ler..all oso $$$$$$...
i asked joyce jus now, if she wana take contact lens course..
it cost bout 10k...not d money...but if i fail, hv to pay again, waste money..
even my lecturers failed theirs...imagin, 2 top students...
both failed...n now couple...hahahah......
life sucks...boring...went to borders yerterday,tot wana buy yakuza moon...no stock..
but d gal told me d price...rm87.75...siau...
so expensive...manalah i mampu..
aih....dunno got sell pirated ones or not....really wan to read dat book..
come on,drop from d sky..hahahhaha........

-_-'''

everything went normal today..but at about 3 pm, a man walk in my shop wit a baby boy sitting on a baby wheel chair...i tot he wana buy glasses,but he was...speechless...
i looked at him for a few seconds...my staff was standing beside me, den suddenly d man blurted out," ah..dis is so embarrassing....(pause), hie my name is bryan,dis is my son, we came from puchong....." , "actually i need ur help, when i reach here jus now, i realise dat i ve dropped my wallet, i called my sister n she can only be here at 5.15 pm...but i hv no cash or credi card wit me at d moment...i need to buy reload coupon,...and some food for dis little thing here.." we both looked at his son..d baby boy smiled...so cute.....and his dad continue," i need to borrow some 31 bucks from u...i'll pay u back when my sister is here..." he looked so sincere...and i was wondering, wat r u going to do wit 31 bucks?? weird...but they both were sweating like hell...
and d baby smiled at me again....poor little thing...so i rushed to my drawer,got my wallet n pulled out 31 bucks for him, he gave me his name, ic no, hp no and house address...in puchong...he said he'll be back by 5.30pm...
den i was bz...about 6.15pm, i realised dat he din appear to return d money he borrowed..
den i waited...till we close...no signs of them...
my colleagues said dat i was cheated....asked me to call his cellphone but , i was thinking, if he really hv d heart to return d money, he'll do it.......no point making dat call...so i jus let it go...maybe smth happened...r maybe they really need d money..
31 bucks is not a big amount....
my colleague says dat i m too naive, or i think he wana say stupid..kakakakaka...
but anyways,if dis nvr happen, i might loose my money in any other way...
i jus feel dat 1 day, when we r in their shoes, i m sure we will be grateful if some1 help us out...
i m jus worried about d little boy...may god bless them...

sleepy...

its d 3rd day of march...time passed really fast..today is my first day working wit my new manager..but i was 15 mins late...cant get cab..aih..takdir de..but he's ok..din say anything..they waited for me outside d shop so paiseh when i reach..i m d only 1 holding d key..so mou pan fat la..hehe..
march started quite well though josie is transfered to sunway ade...i hv to go to work alone..go home alone...is bad..cab cost about rm 500++ permonth n its so dangerous going home at nite by cab,..but nth can be done...i cant drive,..feel so useless..
nvm , i hv to determine...must get my license dis mth..must show myself i can do it..
rain heavily dis few days..very cold...n wet of cos..
but syok to sleep la...
dunno wats wrong wit d pc...msn suddenly hang...today din online at branch cos dat fella keep using d pc...msn la...mail la...n all those chinese websites dat i dun understand..nvm la..he's d man now ma.hahhahaha..
as long as i did my job,nth else i shud be worried about..
there r acnes growing randomly on my face..dunno wats wrong wit it...
amway products dat i've changed,d clarifying moisturiser shud be ok ma..but dunno y now alwiz got small acne coming out at d edge..near my hair...
may be my hair's causing it to stuck...
hmm..sleepy la..
yesterday i dreamt dat my sis,noe a gal,who's jay chow's personal assistant
she will help him sign all those posters...n i asked for a few...to give them to kim hwa..
she loves jay like hell..haha...d dream was so real, i was so excited + overjoyed n suddenly i woke up..in my bedroom....nth left..i look at d poster on d wall...no signature..
how sad...hahahaha....how i wish it never end...wat a weird dream it was...maybe i think to much about mrs jay......haha..missed her too much...
hope tonite i wont do d same thing again...
really sleepy..

its been yrs since i last updated my blog....haha....nobody wana view anymore......jus read jamie's blog jus now,kesian la....but in life, if u never taste bitter, u wont appreciate sweetness....

got my results few days ago, passed my exam..at last!!!!! after how many million yrs of delay....
finally wana pay ade...so now i m a qualified optician...but d cert hv to wait for uk to send it to hometown..
met dato yesterday, he wants me to take challenge....but.....i m jus a worthless little gal...y me??
i noe i look tough but i cant handle so much stress....he wants me to answer him by tuesday...
whether i wan to stay here n make a 80k sales for him(currently is 48k) or transfer to other branch...n same thing...challenge him, build up sales...all he wants is sales....ya la..i noe, he's d boss ma....or last choice..bcome float...btw 2 branches. tot so easy meh? no responsibility but sales very not stable...which branch need optician,hv to go..feels like tennis ball...hit here n there...

so tired dis few days...hv to work for 7 days...continuosly....y am i so gud?? i can actually jus leave both of them...den i can take off....but i cannot "fong sam"....i m jus too responsible on my job..but who cares?? only god noes.... i m tired.. i need a break.. or maybe i shud take challenge n get out of dis boring branch...den jus go fool around outside....try new things dat i never tried... take new challenges...at least i noe i did smth extraordinary in my life...smth dat i dun dare to try...
it only takes courage...nth else.....

hmm....but...i dunno but wat...but i jus...wana say d word but...haha.....
i m scared...pressured...afraid dat i m not able to take challenge... i've learned dat in dis society, there's no 1 better to help u, to side u, to back u up, other than urself......
dats life...ya dats jus life...come on gal...grow up...

my mum's putting a big hope on my backpay..those salary dat r hold when my results r hold...
i guess they r thinking now, wat to buy wit my backpay...new car? new XXX....
everything new....my dad..is d biggest problem....they sure ask me to pay house loan,all bills....
maybe dat tv at home,which is broken....
or he might suddenly appear in front of my house in kl...den borrow some cash to go visit uncle lim.....see??
i hv commitments....so, to commit to dato dat i can do better than anthony who cays he can commit 70k, its a very very big deal to me.....
again...to remind u, i m jus a weak,tiny,helpless..clueless...little gal...
jus let me finish my 2 yrs contract with u n i can do wat ever i wan...
air hostess maybe....or learn manicure....how about hair styling??
those were my "ambitions" other than nutritionist....but dis is a bit too impossible...haha...
nvm....since dat i've live my life until today...i'll hv to continue living it as crazy n as memorable as possible.....
alwiz remember : there wont be another year in ur life where u can say i m 22 yrs old....
when will u hv another 23,24,25,26 n so on....so hv to appreciate it really well....do wat u wish to do,dream as big as u wan....make sure u've done ur best to achieve wat u wan to reach in life....
ppl alwiz say..d result is not important, its d journey dat matters....


so jus live life up...n put troubles in a pocket with a hole....haha...
but i usually cant do it...its a bit difficult....

come on gals......learn to love urself...respect urself...accept urself....dis way u r making d world to love, respect n accept u as who u think u r.....
so...i think i m cute, n lovely.....hahahahahaahahah.......................

wow...i felt much relieved after blah"ing" so much out here.....it jus feel sOOOOOOOOO gOOOOOOOOOOOd......
wakakakakakaka....
wana close shop liao....bye bye my dear, my love, my everything..........

sweet

i was serving an old couple from texas,us jus now....in their 60s...but they were frendly...d old lady got keratoconus...
she was sad dat her vision is not clear..but dats d best i can do...
n i overheard she whispered to her hubby,"its so sweet of her,she did her best but its jus my eyes.."
i felt guilty...aih...nth i can do..but she's considerate..
n when i was filling up d form,they were talking...she commented on how he alwiz lost his glasses...sort of like ejek him..
but, dat old man reaction was, " ya i used to loose them but u were alwiz there helping me to search for them.."
den he stared into her eyes....n said, "baby,i could never live without u in my life.."
oh...i was thinking, so sweet....but pls la...kenot see i'm here kah...
pai seh betul...hahahahaha...
but they were really nice...old couple...n she flew a kiss to me b4 they leave..saying loudly..thanks..i love u phoebe ....
i bukan main proud la....hahahaha....

its new year

its 1st january...but everything is still d same....
i still cant get my results..no salary increment...nth...
dunno wat i'm waiting here..
n i dun understand wat those ppl r celebrating...
jus now terkepit my middle finger really hard...ouch!!!!! so painful..
my whole hand oso sakit...i was supposed to off today n tmr
but now seems like no hope...
he nvr do anything but alwiz claim dat he did a lot..
he told me, "phoebe,i'm not a superman,dun expect me to do everything for u"
"u r d supervisor there...solve d problem urself.."
i dun understand..if ur supervisor cant solve d prob,shouldnt she go to u?
wat kind of sup am i??jus a puppet...
n he took us for granted..only 2 manpower..how do u expect us to work?
no need to off?
he said "this kind of petty stuff dun hv to trouble me la,as a sup u shud do it"
i called other branches to borrow manpower but. nth happen...
i envy other branches where their branch managers will work together wit them
mine??? jus a piece of wood....